I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
