i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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