my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
