I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
