its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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