My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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