they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
