1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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