I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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