Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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