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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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