i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
