smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
