It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
