U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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