I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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