Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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