What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
