don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
