He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
