His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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