Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
