I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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