I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
