i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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