Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
