I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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