yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
