just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
