TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
