He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
