im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
