after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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