well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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