almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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