Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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