im six kinds of drunk right now
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
