what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
