i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize