he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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