Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I got inside last night via doggy door
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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