Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize