I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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