I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
