I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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