its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
