All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
