I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
