come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
