he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
