you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
