I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
