I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
