woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
