allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
