i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize