My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
