ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize