I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
