I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
