D3 body, D1 cock
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
