I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How external is "for external use only"?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
