she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
