here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
