ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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