fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
even my farts smell like vagina
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
