I saw his package. It spoke to me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
