just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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