Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
